White Castle

I was extremely sick the other day, so a friend thought he would cheer me up by bringing a 30 sack of sliders to the house. I wasn’t really in the mood for sliders but it would have been rude not to eat 10-12 of them. There is the build up, here is the story: As I sit at my desk ready to start my day, I feel pressure. Gas pressure to be exact. The White Castles are starting to take their toll. I lift my left leg to make room for the new born air biscuit. Very little pushing required to release this rancid humid steam. I exercised excellent abdominal control in making sure every farticle is released. Apparently I didn’t realize that this noisy gas was just a cry from an imprisoned turd. This chunk of poop was determined to get out. I thought to myself “Dude, don’t shit your pants at work.” So I clenched my butt cheeks as tight as possible and with Karate Kid precision I caught the fly between my huge fleshy chopsticks. While traveling at the speed of the fastest pigeon walk possible, I tried not to let this hunk of crap touch my khakis. I imagine if you could see through my pants at this marvel it would resemble 2 rhinos fighting over a milk dud. Finally, I make it to the head and drop my drawers as fast as possible and out falls a perfectly flattened piece of poop. The clean up was of Exxon Valdez proportion. Thank god for moist towlets! Moral of the story ladies and gentlemen is that I almost crapped my pants at work. Thanks for reading, I am really glad I got this off my chest.