The Thinker

As I sit contemplating my next move, the pressure finally takes its toll… It is time and there is nothing I can do about it. It has been put off for far too long. As a wee turtle pokes its head out, I realize I am committed… I rock from side to side hoping that widening my balloon knot will help to break it loose… No luck, it is caught on something! It seems to be adequately lodged, like a stripped screw. No matter how many times I twist and writhe nothing happens... At this point I am thinking of a way to break loose from this cumbersome probe. Waiting for the next contraction, I twist my frame as if to realign my spine. It's not working, it won't break loose! The stomping that was meant to send a shock-wave through my body and break it at the base is useless. It must be made from brick and mortar. At one point I even considered using a wire coat hanger to help pry it from its perch within my cornhole, but I didn’t want to deal with the feces covered metal wire afterward. Still, if i had one, I might try. After I ran through every scenario imaginable on how to deliver this upside down pyramid from my torn and bloody starfish, I finally realized what needed to be done. I must commit. With one final scream reminiscent of a wild boar seeking his mate during the rutting season It was on its way to earth... It was a good fight, similar to trying to bath an ablutophobic (Pathologically afraid of bathing) lion. Finally... It was out. I felt like a new mother after several hours of labor. At one point I even thought of crying out for an epidural, but I am a man… I overcame. Now the real work begins… Ready for my next trial, I assess how to get this gargantuan down. 3 flushes only spun it around a bit. Since it wasn’t even remotely submerged, it just spun around the porcelain basin leaving its mark in a perfect circle as if drawn in chocolate lipstick. The water rising to an uncomfortable level, the man in the stall next to me fighting his laughter, It was difficult to think straight. How am I going to get this monster down? Am I to transport it to the sink and spoon feed the toilet? Alas, victory ends in defeat. My only option was to abandon my post. I left it there to stare at the next unfortunate soul that had the misfortune of seeing this geometric marvel.