itode : eCommerce research
This is where Technology Meets Marketing
It's warm, yellow, and smells like urine… It's the public restroom toilet paper. I have no idea how many times I have made a conscious effort to pee on public restroom TP. Don't ask for a reason. You may not like the answer.. I'll tell you anyway. Anarchy and hate. I pee on public TP just for the hope that you might touch it. Sick, right? Not to me. I truly can't stand the majority of people on this planet. Everyday I see people on TV that should be euthanized. Now, obviously I can't go around ending human life, but the next best thing is to make one of you consumer hookers put your hands in a sponge full of my pee. I know this may sound disgusting to you but think about everyone you hate. Is it possible to get back at all the people that ever wronged you? No its not. However, it is safe to say that the people you hate the most are in your geographical area, are they not? So I invite you to urinate on every public roll you see. I give you a few places to start… Church. How many religious pretenders deserve to be peed on? Tell me you wouldn't laugh knowing the boy banging priest just got a handful of urine soaked butt tape. Or the guy that makes everyone look bad by donating all of his time to the church only to leave the church and drive to the nearest adult book store for more spank rags. Rest areas. These are usually my favorite places to wet the roll. Something about ruining a total stranger's day puts a huge smile on my face. Knowing the cold wet disgusting feelings others get just gives me a warm fuzzy one. The In-Laws place. This is the most perfect place to pee on the paper as well as the floor. You know damn well that you hate everyone in this house. My enjoyment came from there action of the discovery of the newly yellow roll dripping with urine. Now you get to play a sick game of Clue with your in-laws. Watching your in-laws try and figure out who peed all over the floor and up the wall to the suspended roll of TP is one of the most entertaining things you can do. Keeping a straight face is key. If you can keep a straight face knowing your mother in law just put her finger tips on your pee and then smelled them to verify what she already knew, you should be an actor. Last but not least... Work. This place is pretty self explanatory. It's the next best thing to walking into your bosses office and whipping out your skin tag and peeing all over his cherry wood desk. At work can be a little tricky… You obviously can't predict which stall your intended target will squat in so you must pinch it off and conserve your ammo. While trying to walk around with your beef coming through your zipper hole can be tricky, it's well worth the risk of a little drip landing on your shoe to pull this off. You must hit every roll in every stall. Getting walked in on takes a little explaining and is a bit awkward, but it's a small price to pay for the smiting of one’s enemies. I recommend you start small, like church for now. Then you can work your way up to the in-laws in no time. Hell, you may one day be in my league and even hit the ladies room stalls. Nobody is safe… EVER!