Leave me Alone

“I had to pee so bad I ran into the ladies room stall, spun around, ripped my pants down, and accidently fell bare assed into an UNFLUSHED toilet!" This is what I heard first thing this morning from a coworker. I stood there frozen, mouth agape then muttered “please don’t ever speak to me again”. Why do people feel it necessary to tell me horrible things? If I somehow fell into an unflushed toilet I would be at home in the shower with a S.O.S. pad and a bottle of Purel scrapping the dried urine scum of my ass armor. Not her, no, she decided to hike up her mini skirt, give herself a whores bath in the ladies room sink and stew in her filth the rest of the work day.

If that isn’t bad enough, later that day I get "I had Chinese food Friday night then Saturday afternoon I was sitting on my couch and my ass started to itch. So naturally I went in for a scratch. I noticed a little bump around my O-ring. I started to feel the bump to see how big it was and then started to scratch it. I felt the bump move when I scratched it. So I started to pull and realized I was pulling something out of my hole. Once I got it to the surface I identified it as a worm! I was so relieved once I noticed it was just a bean sprout from Fridays Chinese." I consider people telling me these things abuse. These articles are my desperate cries as I report this abuse. I do not need to know and would appreciate if neither one of them would ever confide anything to me ever again.

What is it about me that make people think its O.K. to tell me this filth? People may think I’m foul because of this site, but if you really pay attention you’ll see it’s not about me, it’s YOU. All people are foul viral animals however only a chosen few of us have the weight in our coin purse to speak this truth.