Hobos & Bobos

There is a difference between a bum and the homeless. A bum is the lowest life form on this planet. They plague us with their constant loitering and their insatiable hunger for spare change. A homeless person is usually harmless unless you want to sit on the bench that they are currently perched on. I happened to witness both types in their natural habitat yesterday and I came to the realization that they are in fact two different species. A bum approached me at a gas station and gave me a great story of why he needs 2 dollars. “I just got off a 23 hour bus ride from Tennessee and I ran out of money and I need to get to Madison Heights, do you by chance have 2 dollars to help me out?” Normally I would ask him politely to kill himself to avoid spreading his seed and poisoning our species, but he was just damn convincing. So I pulled out a dollar and said here ya go…He started crying!!!! The only thing I could think of is to give him another dollar so he would stop. Basically a grown man asked me for something and when he didn’t get what he wanted he decided to start crying like my 4 year old would. As he walked away heading east on 8 mile just past John R with a completely exposed backside due to a seriously inappropriate tear in his shorts, I was forced to chew back my dinner because I was staring 2 mud covered rhinos fighting over a milk dud. It was a train wreck. This mans entire exposed backside looked like he just gave the Hogan leg drop to an entire case of chocolate snack packs. Down his leg was the aged part of the mud slide, reminiscent of the Governator in The Predator covered in dry mud. Now you must know there are 2 different types of crack heads as well. There is the “Pookie” which will steel from an infants piggy bank to get his next rock…Only if his mammas purse has no cash in it. This type of crack head is completely exposed. He doesn’t care who knows as long as he can hit you up for “sandwich” money. Pookie can be found digging through the trash at your local gas station or in his natural habitat “The Spot”. Pookie at times can truly serve a purpose. For instance..Pookie will build an entire house for $10.00. He will commit murder, rent you his car (if its not already sold for rock), or even do your taxes for less. Pookie even tried to sell me a shopping cart once for $3.00. Pookie generally has only a few teeth, very chapped lips, and is constantly chewing and biting at the inside of his mouth. I have done my part to get rid of this aggressive opportunist. I have used weapons such as.. fireworks, pepper spray, paintball guns, blow guns, bb guns, wrist rockets, road flares, dynamite, ice tea bottles, bowling balls, cold water in the winter, urine, bleach, bong water, and my feet. We the people alone have the strength and resources to get rid of this parasite once and for all. Stop giving them change and they will stop asking. This rant is far from over…Tune in next time for information on Ray Ray, Pookies cousin.